Valued Circles
Appreciating your connections.
🕸 Each of us is building a web of social circles that we engage with as we navigate life. At times there’s overlap, and the level of connection to these circles and the people within will inevitably change. It helps to accept this as a fact of life.
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There are the work circles, the family circles, at times the academic circles, maybe the fitness circles, or other local/neighborly circles. Then, there are the internet-based circles… and so forth. You can go on, but the point here is the interesting fact that there are many different components to an individual’s evolving “total social web.”
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When I was looking into concepts that get at the “total social web,” I noticed that social media completely saturated the related areas of research. Of course, that’s largely because social media enables the convenience of and ability to maintain social relationships across any distance; making each of us “available” at any time. That opened up a question: how do we show our social connections (near and far) that they are valued?
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If you look at the functionalism theory describing social structures, each member of a given social circle (ideally) works together to uplift one another and support each members’ goals and survivability. This involves the way that people work together and help one another to promote a “homeostasis,” (Boundless Sociology, LibreTexts 2020).
💭 Perhaps humans are wired to uplift and support one another naturally.
💡 Example: if a group has members that are looking to uplift and support each members’ life pursuits, what are some ways that it can be shown?
Idea: sending an uplifting text message to your friend
Idea: point out qualities that your friend displays while in your company
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As well, if you look at the symbolic interactionism theory describing social frameworks, it emphasizes a shared meaning and purpose amongst each member of a given group [or social circle], and that this meaning is a big impetus behind the formation and maintenance of a given social circle. (Del Casino Jr & Thien, 2020).
💭 Perhaps it’s worth engaging with the shared meaning in sight.
💡 Example: if a group’s shared meaning is to pursue social justice, what are some ways you could show the group members that you care about this message?
Idea: organize gatherings at locations that are minority-owned
Idea: simply being open and receptive to the idea of social betterment
Exercise: Appreciating All Connections
Through the mind’s eye, take a look at the individual faces within each of your social circles. If there are some people that are their own, unshared “social circle,” that’s of course okay too.
Look at each human and acknowledge the role they play in your life. How do you uplift one another in each of your pursuits? What purpose/meaning do you share?
Pay attention to the emotions that come up when thinking of these people. Some people may be associated with kindness, some with frustration. Some would be glad to bring you soup when you’re sick, others have a lot on their plate.
There are those who you look at with awe and admiration, along with others who you may hold judgment upon. Those who don’t reach out much, but that you know would be there for you should you need them.
Take a moment to appreciate each person that comes up during this moment for who they are. Allow them all to exist. Try to do so with curiosity and kindness at the wheel.
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Author’s Note
The way I’m wired, I’m actively working on maintaining and improving my social connections. The chosen way to do so is totally up to the individual, and it’s encouraged to gravitate toward the option that matches one’s stylistic preference. I have friends that are great at sending letters, and that’s been one thing I’ve been working on. Others like to carve out some time for a phone call, while some prefer a quick text or finding time to link up in person when possible. Maybe it’s a combination of each. Find what works for you in the given context, then be intentional and make a contact plan.
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For the tiers below, a medal is a medal. Gold is great, so is silver, and bronze too. It’s not about that. Rather, it’s about the effort and the intention behind it. Making it experiential is the best case scenario, though that’s not always possible. In any case, let’s all aim to medal. Here are some ways that I show my people that they’re valued:
When they’re near:
🥇 Propose a gathering
🥈 Get into nature alongside them
🥉 Grab a coffee/lunch
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When they’re far:
🥇 Plan a trip/send them a letter
🥈 Give them a call
🥉 Send them a thoughtful text
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Generally:
🥇 Actively listen
🥈 Ask for their opinion on something
🥉 Support their passion/pursuits
Bottom Line
When you think about this, doesn’t it make you want to reach out to that old friend, cousin, uncle, aunt, or other? We’re all intended to feel a sense of belonging and relatedness with others, and the way that we maintain these connections is through action.
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As I recently heard in a Hidden Brain Podcast episode:
“We as human beings are deeply social, we’re made happier and healthier by reaching out and connecting to other people, whether it’s strangers or family and friends, and yet, there are so many opportunities in daily life where we could reach out and connect with other people that we don’t take. We have a compliment that comes to our mind that we don’t share, we feel gratitude toward someone that we don’t express… we don’t seem, at least it seemed to me, that we’re social enough for our own good.”
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💭 Why not make efforts to show the people in our lives that we value them? It’s never too late. Leave some ideas or ways that you do this in the comment section below.
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If you notice that you may be facing a barrier here, remember this: you never know what life will bring, or when someone in your life may transition away. Life is too short to hold back on showing people that you care. That’s what a lot of life boils down to for me, anyway. Showing that you care.
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☀️ Mike
The last paragraph- “you never know when someone in your life will transition away…. “ show that you care.” That’s a simple step that can make a big impact in someone’s life, and your own life too!
Certainly makes you think about how you interact with people